Coffee and a Cigarette


Simple questions get long winded answers here.
January 13, 2011, 8:49 pm
Filed under: Bad Days, Things About Me | Tags: , , , , ,

What made you decide to start a blog? If you’ve blogged about this before, go back and read it. Is that still the reason? What’s changed?

I have, actually blogged about this before. I started this blog for purely selfish reasons. I don’t really care if I get readers (though don’t be fooled I love it when you come by), and I don’t do this for money. I do this for my mental health. Writing has always helped me sort out my brain, even when it has nothing to do with my current issues. I used to keep a journal, but I want to take it public, so the baring of my soul wouldn’t be only for a journal. I want people to see this.

I started this one sleepless and horrible night. I spent the night clutching onto my husband (who was sleeping heavily) crying and scared. I was having a freak out. I came to the horrible realization that one day, I was going to die. And not just me, my husband, my family, my friends, my animals, we are all going to die. And that scares the living hell out of me. And sometimes that fear sneaks in out of nowhere and paralyzes me.

My husband, he tries so hard to help me, but all he can really do is be there to catch my tears, and hold onto me when I feel like I’m just losing my mind. And it helps a lot, but I can’t calm down until I’ve written about it. Thus, this was born.

I don’t have a plan for this blog, I never did. I just wanted something to help me when I needed it, and for now this works. One day, I will get a psychiatrist or something, but I can’t afford that now. So for now, I just cope.

Adrienne

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